They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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