I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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