I love black thongs
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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