So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
