I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
