So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Randomize
