so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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