moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
