Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
