You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
