If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
