I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
