Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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