we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
