they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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