On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
