I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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