theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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