I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Randomize
