You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
