i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
