Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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