woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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