i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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