If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
