is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
