she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
