she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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