this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
