OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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