If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
