I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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