i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize