mondays should just be called national damage control day
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
