so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
