This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
