and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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