mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
