I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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