And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
