My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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