please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
