Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
