I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just gift wrapped bread.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
