we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
