Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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