my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
