I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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