**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
