i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
