made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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