so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
