sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
