Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
