her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
