i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
