you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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