We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize