How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
