I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
