Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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