i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need a beard to bite.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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