If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize