I wish I could teleport
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize