do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
