My Higher Power is John Stamos
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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