Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
