I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize