our cab driver is having phone sex.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Your cock deserves a montage
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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