I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
