Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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