when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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